The Daily Spittoon

Remember, remember, the 5th of November. Why? Failed Terrorism.

I’ll concede that the original meaning was about foiling the plot to kill the King, but then the meaning has been warped somewhat – the burning of Guy Fawkes has slipped to more topical humour. This year, a small town in Sussex are burning an effigy of David Cameron “avec-porc”.

This does however remain consistent with the West’s warped views of other events. If you think about it, Father Christmas breaks and enters your house every year, and the Tooth Fairy visits your children while they sleep. Although you’d be forgiven for arguing that neither of those examples exist.

The Gunpowder Plot was foiled in 1605, does that mean in 400 years we’ll be celebrating the demise of the Pants Bomber? You remember him, off the news. He concealed a bomb in his underwear and tried to blow-up a trans-atlantic flight, he succeeded only in burning his own gentleman’s agreements. Apparently he’d worn the same underwear for a fortnight and they were to damp for it to work. Hooray for incontinence!

Enjoy the festivities.